Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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