I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
