Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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