i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
