If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
