***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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