If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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