Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
