Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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