so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
