I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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