Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
