we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
