My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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