If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
