I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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