3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
