Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
