Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
