what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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