i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
