i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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