grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
