Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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