your room smells of hookers.
And success
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
