so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
