I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
