Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
