PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
