he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
