Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
