Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
