apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
