Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize