I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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