i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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