im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
