hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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