I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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