it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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