i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
