STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
