we're blogging at a bar
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
