She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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