I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize