Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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