Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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