So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
