I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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