Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
