How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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