I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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