Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
