is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
