Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
