I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
