Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
