franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
pop tarts are not kleenex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
