he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
