I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
