I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
