I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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