you would pick up someone in the library
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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